Joyent CEO Defends UK Pull Out

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013

Joyent CEO, Heny Wasik gave an interview this morning, to explain the change of direction he ordered on assumption of his new role. The ex-Dell man assumed control of the San Francisco based Cloud company in November last year. Almost immediately, he put a halt on all the company’s change processes to re-evaluate the wisdom of the direction they were taking. One of the first decisions he made was to recant on a move already made to start a support operation in the UK. Here’s how the conversation with our correspondent, Johann Ticklebollock, went.

HW 10 Minutes to Wapner.

JT I appreciate you giving me the time to talk Mr Wasik, I’ll try to keep this on schedule.

HW 9 Minutes to Wapner.

JT So how are you finding your new role at Joyent?

HW I’m excellent CEO. Excellent CEO. Dad always let me drive the company. Excellent CEO.

JT Uh, right. So talk me through the rationale behind reversing a process that’s already in motion?

HW 246

JT I’m sorry, I don’t understand?

HW 246 Toothpicks, definitely 246, I’m an excellent CEO.

JT OK, but how does that relate to leading people to believe they had gained employment with your company, and be told they hadn’t after they had already resigned their existing employment?

HW Flying’s very dangerous. In 1987 there were there were 30 airline accidents. 211 were fatalities and 230 were definitely passengers.

JT I’m sorry Mr Wasik, but that doesn’t address these important questions. What have you to say to these people who’s careers have been effectively halted on your whim?

HW I’m an excellent CEO.

JT That’s not under dispute here,  but the matter of corporate ethics is…

HW 8 Minutes to Wapner

JT please don’t evade the question Mr Wasik, 8 minutes is plenty of time to address, maybe even apologise for the damage you’ve done.

HW There are 246 toothpi…..

JT OH SHUT UP YOU FUCKING RETARD!

Wasik with our correspondent, yesterday.

Wasik with our correspondent, yesterday.

We spoke briefly with Steve Ballmer, he said “Only a really irritating skinny careless little cocksucker would fuck up somebody’s life and not have the decency to pick up the phone.”

Streettheives T-Shirts

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013
The shit quality graphic...

The shit quality graphic…

So, I went to http://www.streetshirts.co.uk to make up a T-shirt from my https://wtflinux.wordpress.com/2013/03/15/new-ubuntu-logo/ cartoon.

I don’t spend £30 on a t-shirt. But buy one, get one free seemed ok. So I input the code in the checkout, and placed my order.

They only send one shirt. The graphic on the shirt they did send, was all globby with poorly defined edges. It also took 11 days to get here. When I phoned to ask if I could get the free shirt I thought I ordered, they basically said there was nothing I could do because I’m too dumb to use their website. Which is true, but also, fucking patronising.

A spokesperson from streettheives.co.uk said “Ha ha ha, thanks for £30 sucker!”.

Ballmer Star Wars 4

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

ballmer-akbar-tap

Settlement reached in Python trademark dispute

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

The Python Software Foundation have announced that they have reached a Settlement with PO Box Hosting over their use of the Python name.

PO Box Hosting are said to be very happy with all the publicity.

A PO Box Spokesperson giving his reaction yesterday.

A PO Box Spokesperson giving his reaction yesterday.

Ballmer Star Wars 3

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

ballmer-akbar-knap

Ballmer Star Wars 2

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

ballmer-akbar-crap

Ballmer Star Wars 1

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

ballmer-akbar-trap

Finally…

Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

Today was the first day since this blog started that the Ubuntu UN Intervention story wasn’t the most read story on the site.

For fucks sake people, it’s wasn’t that good.

Pycon Sack-o-Rama

Friday, March 22nd, 2013

mySuperLamePic_00e5267796d558bd02c1666394bab0c4

Controversy raged this week at PyCon after loads of people were either sexist, too touchy or moronic.

Some employees allegedly from PlayHaven kicked things off by being Bernard Manning without the laughs. Adria Richards then doubled down on the daftness by turning a perfectly reasonable complaint into a “fling your poo at a desk fan fest” by splashing it all over Twitter. Who’d a thunk anyone might be reading twitter huh? Richard’s employer, SendGrid couln’t resist jumping on the ‘full retard’ bandwagon by sacking her, when a five minute hairdryer bollocking for the twitter bullshit was the appropriate response. And feeling left out of the party like a 9 year old girl, Playhaven decided to throw an apeshit tantrum, and sack some of it’s employees. Nothing empowers an employee to learn from their mistakes (admittedly they were fuckwitted-dipshit mistakes) like not having a job eh chaps?

Following this new default procedure of ensuring there’s some blood on the carpet at the slightest hint of poor behaviour, I’ve been reviewing my own prejudice concerning the comments I’ve made recently about Steve Ballmer being an irritating chubby cocksucker. As this is clearly in breach of wtflinux’s CSR & Inclusiveness guidelines, I have hereby to inform myself that I no longer require my own services, and should hand my passwords over to myself at the end of this article.

Shit.

Radical Reddit Revamp

Thursday, March 21st, 2013

Surprising news from crowd sourced link exchange Reddit this morning. Executive from the popular service have announced major changes to the site that “will bring the site’s identity closer into line with the user experience”.

Reddit press officer Moaning F. Twatt, explained the proposed changes.

“The name Reddit has served us well up until this point, but we have become aware that only a small minority of our users actually go and read the fucking posts before whining like slapped babies, if somebody commits the heinous crime of putting an ‘nsfw’ tag on the post if the content doesn’t exactly measure up to another users concept of what nsfw should be.”

Mr.Twatt took a moment to beat the living shit of an unsuspecting journalist who had the temerity to write ‘f*****g’ in his transcript, before continuing;

“Given that we foster a wide audience of pedantic fuckers, prone to go way off the deep end at the slightest inexactitude, we felt a re-branding exercise was required before we started a jihad of detail obsessive knobbery. After consulting a corporate image consultant, we have elected to rename the site ‘didntredditbeforeifuckingmoanedaboutit.com'”.

When questioned whether there would be difficulties associated with such a long URL, Twatt rebuffed any concerns by stating that “our users are well accustomed to extremes of pointless verbosity , this should right up their street.”

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