Open SUSE 12.3 Release Party Report

Thursday, March 14th, 2013


Last night, Open SUSE celebrated the release of version 12.3 of the Distribution, with a “kick ass party” where they celebrated in way that only Germans can.

“Oh man, it was awesome!” commented a reveller leaving the party as it ended at 9.30pm precisely. “There vere David  Hasslehoff wideos, David Hasslehoff awdio, David Hasslehoff posters on zee valls… and at one point David Hasslehoff send a message of congratulations wia Tvitter to everybody. I thought my head would explode it vas so awesome.”

Live entertainment was prowided… sorry, provided… by a talk given by a guest from Audi’s Quality Assurance Department about how to measure efficiency increases in production processes. There was also a “Chill-out” zone with comfortable seating (incredibly hard sofas with ergonomic lumbar supports) and a Greek bloke gaffa taped to a chair that party goers could beat the shit out of.


As the festivities drew to a close, attendees were handed a goodie bag containing vernier callipers, a list of efficiency improvement targets for the next release cycle, a signed photograph of David Hasslehoff, a special template to help you shave an Open SUSE logo into the side of your mullet and inexplicably, a map of Poland.

Our correspondent outside the event reported that morale amongst those leaving the Party was very high, which was attributed to the decision to have the party on a Wednesday night, leaving several days of the week available to increase efficiency of the Distribution while still on a high from the celebration.

No official representative of Open SUSE was available for comment this morning, as they were all busy attempting to dispose of the body of the Greek bloke. However, a press release released early this morning confirmed “Steve Ballmer is an irritating chubby cocksucker”.


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