Archive for March, 2013

Streettheives T-Shirts

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013
The shit quality graphic...

The shit quality graphic…

So, I went to http://www.streetshirts.co.uk to make up a T-shirt from my https://wtflinux.wordpress.com/2013/03/15/new-ubuntu-logo/ cartoon.

I don’t spend £30 on a t-shirt. But buy one, get one free seemed ok. So I input the code in the checkout, and placed my order.

They only send one shirt. The graphic on the shirt they did send, was all globby with poorly defined edges. It also took 11 days to get here. When I phoned to ask if I could get the free shirt I thought I ordered, they basically said there was nothing I could do because I’m too dumb to use their website. Which is true, but also, fucking patronising.

A spokesperson from streettheives.co.uk said “Ha ha ha, thanks for £30 sucker!”.

Ballmer Star Wars 4

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

ballmer-akbar-tap

Settlement reached in Python trademark dispute

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

The Python Software Foundation have announced that they have reached a Settlement with PO Box Hosting over their use of the Python name.

PO Box Hosting are said to be very happy with all the publicity.

A PO Box Spokesperson giving his reaction yesterday.

A PO Box Spokesperson giving his reaction yesterday.

Ballmer Star Wars 3

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

ballmer-akbar-knap

Ballmer Star Wars 2

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

ballmer-akbar-crap

Ballmer Star Wars 1

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

ballmer-akbar-trap

Finally…

Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

Today was the first day since this blog started that the Ubuntu UN Intervention story wasn’t the most read story on the site.

For fucks sake people, it’s wasn’t that good.

Pycon Sack-o-Rama

Friday, March 22nd, 2013

mySuperLamePic_00e5267796d558bd02c1666394bab0c4

Controversy raged this week at PyCon after loads of people were either sexist, too touchy or moronic.

Some employees allegedly from PlayHaven kicked things off by being Bernard Manning without the laughs. Adria Richards then doubled down on the daftness by turning a perfectly reasonable complaint into a “fling your poo at a desk fan fest” by splashing it all over Twitter. Who’d a thunk anyone might be reading twitter huh? Richard’s employer, SendGrid couln’t resist jumping on the ‘full retard’ bandwagon by sacking her, when a five minute hairdryer bollocking for the twitter bullshit was the appropriate response. And feeling left out of the party like a 9 year old girl, Playhaven decided to throw an apeshit tantrum, and sack some of it’s employees. Nothing empowers an employee to learn from their mistakes (admittedly they were fuckwitted-dipshit mistakes) like not having a job eh chaps?

Following this new default procedure of ensuring there’s some blood on the carpet at the slightest hint of poor behaviour, I’ve been reviewing my own prejudice concerning the comments I’ve made recently about Steve Ballmer being an irritating chubby cocksucker. As this is clearly in breach of wtflinux’s CSR & Inclusiveness guidelines, I have hereby to inform myself that I no longer require my own services, and should hand my passwords over to myself at the end of this article.

Shit.

Radical Reddit Revamp

Thursday, March 21st, 2013

Surprising news from crowd sourced link exchange Reddit this morning. Executive from the popular service have announced major changes to the site that “will bring the site’s identity closer into line with the user experience”.

Reddit press officer Moaning F. Twatt, explained the proposed changes.

“The name Reddit has served us well up until this point, but we have become aware that only a small minority of our users actually go and read the fucking posts before whining like slapped babies, if somebody commits the heinous crime of putting an ‘nsfw’ tag on the post if the content doesn’t exactly measure up to another users concept of what nsfw should be.”

Mr.Twatt took a moment to beat the living shit of an unsuspecting journalist who had the temerity to write ‘f*****g’ in his transcript, before continuing;

“Given that we foster a wide audience of pedantic fuckers, prone to go way off the deep end at the slightest inexactitude, we felt a re-branding exercise was required before we started a jihad of detail obsessive knobbery. After consulting a corporate image consultant, we have elected to rename the site ‘didntredditbeforeifuckingmoanedaboutit.com'”.

When questioned whether there would be difficulties associated with such a long URL, Twatt rebuffed any concerns by stating that “our users are well accustomed to extremes of pointless verbosity , this should right up their street.”

UK Government Linux

Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

Hot on the heels of the announcement that the UK Government will in future give preference to Open Source software, The Civil Service has made it’s intention to embrace the initiative clear by revealing plans for it’s own custom Linux Distribution.

Heading up the project will be ex-Fedora Head of Cocking About With Daft Release Codenames, Colin-Xaviar Tickleböllock.

This morning, members of the technical press met with Tickleböllock, for a conference outlining what to expect from the project. He began by setting out some of the key features of the forthcoming ‘GovLinux’. These included:

  • It doesn’t work on Weekends, Bank Holidays or after 4pm.
  • There will be a minimum of 12 administrators per machine, all of which have to agree to changes unanimously before they can be made.
  • The minimum graphics requirement for each is a £3000 Quadro 6000.
  • Only a command line interface is available.
  • For compliance with the Data Protection Act, Databases must be accessible by only a select few. Oracle will supply the key database technologies. They’re really good at Open Source.
  • The distribution will be an unusually cutting edge project for a government department, with a Kernel based upon Linux 2.6 available by 2015.
  • To re-assure the public that money will not be wasted due to incompetence and lack leadership or technological understanding, a detailed plan of the distribution’s rolling release cycle with annual major updates is available.

Mr.Tickleböllock also announced that a specialist division of the Civil Service will be formed to oversee the radical changes expected in forthcoming months and years. The body shall be named Software, Hardware & Information Technology Executive.

The meeting came to an impromptu conclusion when Mr.Tickleböllock broke with protocol to be knocked unconscious by a stray tin of  Pineapple Chunks.

pineapple

The assembled press were then invited to a post meeting buffet where Absinthe, Smelling Salts and Cocaine were promised. However, only a single stale mushroom vol-au-vent was delivered.

shite logo

Mr.Tickleböllock was unavailable for further comment on whether Steve Ballmer is an irritating chubby cocksucker before going to press. A spokesperson for S.H.I.T.E. informed us that he was engaged with advisors, considering official policy matters concerning the “is De Icaza a quisling wee twat for his limp dicked Apple sell out?” issue.

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